Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
