Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
