Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
