Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
