Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
