I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
