Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize