OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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