To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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