You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
