super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
