So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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