love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
