Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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