OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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