Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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