I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
