sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
