then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
