My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
