last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
