I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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