over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
