Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
