I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
