whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
