It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
