You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
