I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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