I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
