Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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