Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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