Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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