Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize