Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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