its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
