wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
