What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
