well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
