i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
