I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize