my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
