well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
