i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
