Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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