the condom got lost in my hair
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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