i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
