Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
