Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We are two peas in an std pod
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize