Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
