Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
