"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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