When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
