the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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