i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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