his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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