I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
