Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
