I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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