i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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