You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
