she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
