Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
