I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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