This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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