I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
