did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize