Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
