my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
