4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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