After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
