can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
