boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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