At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
