I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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