I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
