Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
