i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
