I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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