So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
