Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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