she was so not down for the gang bang
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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