i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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