im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
