my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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