There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
