Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We're too hungover to prance.
did i just pee glitter
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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