Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
