hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
