Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
