i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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