A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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