Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
